Mittwoch, August 12, 2009

Neulich in Grünen-Zentrale Oberflachsheim

Dramatis personae:
Nora "Bärbel" Reich, (27) Praktikantin
Ricardo von Funkelberg-Lewkoski, (42) Grünen-Abgeordneter und Lebemann

RvFL: "Bärbel, komm doch mal von dem Kopierer weg."
N: "Herr F..Funkelberg-Le... Lewkoski..., i-i-ich äh... heiße doch N..Nora..."
RvFL: "Papperlaschnickschnack! Bärbelein, hör mit dem Gestottere auf und hör zu. Und nimm den Gesichtsbogen ab, da hängen wieder Müslikrümel dran. Ich hab' da mal eine Aufgabe für dich."
N: (enfernt bedächtig die Kieferorthopädische Maßnahme und wischt mit beschähmten Blick die Essensreste vom kalten Stahl.) "Oh."
RvFL: "Ja, da ist dieses Parteitreffen nächste Woche und ich soll was zum Thema Internet erzählen, aber ich hab da partout keine Lust drauf. Ich hab da diesen... Termin... mit dieser mandeläugigen Kellnerin aus diesem Multi-Kultiladen von neulich. Der Schwatten mit den Hupen." (zwinkert vielsagend)
N: (sichtlich erschüttert von der Erwähnung sekundärer Geschlechtsteile von Menschen mit Migrationshintergrund) I.. Ich g...glaube.. äh, das sagt ma... man nicht, w...wegen Sexis... u-und... Rassism... mus."
RvFL: "Ach, Bärbel... Du bist so verklemmt. Bei uns Grünen, da kann alles, da wird auch mal ein Gürkchen geschält! (blickt selbstzufrieden ins Leere) Du solltest echt mal aus dir rauskommen, unter die Leute kommen. Weisst du, interessante Menschen trifft man nicht beim Querflötenunterricht."
N: "A..aber, das Flöt.. ich... äh..."
RvFl: "Pippellapups, Bärbel, irgendwann kommt so ein behangener Traumprinz von der Jugend und knackt dir auf dem Herrenklo die Kirsche. Und dann, dann kommst du richtig aus dir raus! Trinkst abends mal ein Ginger-Ale und lackierst dir die Fussnägel. Wie wär's? Am besten...in grün, HAR HAR HAR!"
N: (nervös und peinlich berührt, weil ihre Füsse stark behaart sind, was ihr sehr unangenehm ist) "H..hah, lustig...Kirsche..."
RvFL: "Ist ja auch egal jetzt. Es geht um nächste Woche, das mit dem Internet. Weisst du was darüber?"
N: (reißt entsetzt die Augen auf) "N... nein!"
RvFL: "Das Internet! Der Datenhighway! Welten-Netz! So alt bist du doch gar nicht! Musst du doch kennen! Das ist so interessant da. Letztens hat mir ein Bekannter diesen Link geschickt, mit diesen zwei Tussen und der Tasse. Abgefahren sag ich dir, als die zusammen da..."
N: "I... ich hab gehört, das es da, äh... schlimme Dinge..."
RvFL: (sein Handy klingelt, er wirft einen Blick aufs Display) "Oh, ich hab keine Zeit für Detailfragen mehr, da ist die dunkle Dose am Apparat. Weisst du was, schreib einfach irgendwas. Ist ja das Internet, da haben die weder die Basis noch die grünen Eminenzen sonderlich Ahnung von."
N: "Aber, was wenn ich dem... (zögert) Parteiprogramm... o... oder unserer grünen Über..z-zeugung wider... spreche."
RvFL: "Bärbel, wie oft noch? Denk dran, wem du hier Kaffee kochst: Unsere Prinzipien sind nicht grün, sie sind farblos. Und jetzt schreib mal 'ne Seite und trag's dann dem Grünen Sack nächste Woche vor. Du hast doch bestimmt schon mal ein Referat in der Schule gehalten, oder?"
N: (zittert) "N...nein. Ich war n...nicht in so e-einer... Schule, m... meine Eltern... wollten...n...nicht."
RvFL verlässt den Raum und tuschelt in sein Mobiltelefon.
N: "Oh.. oh... nein. W... was schreib ich denn... äh... jetzt?"

Eine Woche später:

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